Let's just make this simple.
I'm having a relationship with Aliff Bin Raffi Faizal Bin Omar
'She didn't just kissed, she claimed ownership. Took his mouth with urgency,
as if her life depended on her kissing him.' You know how is it when you love
someone? And the hard part, the bad part, the Jerry Springer Show part is
that you never stop loving someone. There’s always a piece of them in your heart.
Were you so afraid of losing something you love, that you refuse to love anything?
Sometimes I'd be glad if only you'd fought for me.
She fell, she hurt, she felt. She lived. And for all the tumble of her experiences,
she still had hope. Maybe this next time would do the trick. Or maybe not. But
unless you stepped into the game, you would never know. When we were children,
we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable.
But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable. My HomepageTaggedTumblrTwitter
Know that the pain will pass and when it passes ,
you will become stronger , happier , more sensitive and aware .
How I wished you were right beside me , wiping my tears away gently . I miss you mickey , I'm sorry if I looked like I'm into the no mood . But I was scared , scared to get home and I'm so stressed out . I almost killed myself just now , had a fight with mama monster , i told her i shouldn't have come home and should've just sat at the staircase . She wanted my dad to confiscate my phone , take ah . The next day sure I wont come home wann . My eyes are swollen now , havent texted anyone after I switched off my phone . Plus this Rahman .. We're nothing , just like close friends but mickey got the wrong idea . I don't know what to do . I told both maman and ayu that I wont be contacting them . So jyeah . I got to go to sleep . Nights .
OMG . I'm at school bustop now , I wish I could just continue my sleep and dream freely rather than waking up to face the unbeautiful life of mine . Another day has gone , I'm feeling the soleness in me , I cried so much yesterday hoping to someone would be understanding enough to care for my feelings and comfort me . The last thing I remember was I found my happiness and I was on top of the world , now I'm falling down , deep deep down . However could I hate my mum so much to the core ? They always say parent's dont hate you , but why don't I have any sense of feeling out of it . I got to go now . School bell's rang ..
School has just ended . I'm in class now . Now is 130pm . I cried again today during recess , haven't ate anything since yesterday . Right now , I know my mum is outside school , she texted me . Am I supposed to get out of school now ? I wanna stay in class . If only I could overnight here in school . But well , I can't get over it . I ignored my boyf's calls and messages the whole day . Felt like dying still . Damn . I guess I'm getting out now . Can't get anywhere if I were to just stay here . bye then /:
Here I am , early in tha morning , not asleep , playing laptop and blogging early in the morning , omg ! cannot take it , my eyes sleeeeeeppyyyy . I was on the phone with maman the whole night :D omg , he is funny . He is , i don't know . He wants me to be his , but I told him luhs , may the best man wins luhs . sigh , he asked if I lovee him . I don't know .. Two days back , on the 25thfeb , mickey and minnie's one year and one month . hahaha ! Dance dance dance dance , every Friday , go dance , then bathe after that . bathe where ? school luh seyhsss . HAHA . I'm confused these days , but gladly I could still focus on my studies [:
I do still .. miss you , just like the air that I breath , I need you with me Im not gunna lie , I cant imagine my life without you, but I .. suppose I will survive .
Sunday, February 21, 2010 7:55 AM
I'm having a backache , ouch !
I haven't sleep mannn , busy with downloading the 22 new songs . Darn it ! :D The Run Away Girlfs , haha ! weird name . HAHA , by the way , this Rahmat , he's kinda shawt but taller than me , haha ! we've been on the phone recently can't imagine it , funny :D
and oh , had a fight again with Ayu on the Friday afternoon , have I blogged about it ? I don't think so eh . He kept on sending me messages like I have no idea ah , weird ones , you know weird ? yes , weird ones . Then he called me , of cos I was upset and angry for the messages he send to me , we talked awhile .. and kept on asking me this " you nak ape ? i kasi . you nak ape ?! i kasi ." again and again and I told him lah that I want nothing , then he said " Jangan nak konek uh , you nak ape ?! i kasi . " who not angry right ? I got frustrated and threw my phone down and it slides down ended up hitting by the pillar nearby . I put my head down on the wooden bench table and cried , I hate it whenever he does the quarrelling , seems so evil . I'm becoming scared of him , he's like a stranger each time we fought .
My friend picked up my phone put back the battery and cover together , switched it on and my boyf texted me .. after awhile he called , Jasmine picked up the call and i've no idea what they said . Then , Alin called him for me and told him that I didn't want anything and he said he is a man of his words and he hung up the call . that was what i heard . Alin and Jasmine suggested to me for a break and go for the Rahmat , it's not that I don't want but it's hard for me to let go and I don't want to come back to him begging to be with me again in future . So , I'd rather not break with him and try to refresh my mind back . I was so upset that I couldn't even focus on the dance practice after that . Got home , thinking what I've done wrong and figured again over and over of breaking up . I'm lazy to type now , i got to go , toodles . I'll update soon .
Friday, February 19, 2010 8:04 AM
My life (= great . Went to the beachs on the 14 February ; with my mum , dad , my aunt , uncle and my three cousins . I was sick , so I slept till night , it was super cooling as if a BIG BIG GIGANTIC fan was infront of me . Lol ! :D
15feb , Hey (= guess what ? Haha ! My mickey got me a rose ! Isnt it lovely sweety kind of thing ? hahaha , you should've seen the look on his face . Hahahaha ! So cute , he didn't know how to give me the rose . It was awkward though , you know ; I dont really feel comfortable taking things from people .. Hahaha .. Went home , to bukit merah .. My mum asked if it was from me dad whom gave it to me , i told her no and it was from a friend of mine . From there i knew whom she was having in mind . Hahahah !
16feb , I'm texting with my boyfriend now .. He sounded weird like for the past few hours , it was awkward . He kept on saying he's stupid and stuff like that .. I don't understand .. Now waiting for his repl , sighh ..
He replied , he had a rough time with his family and friends , I told him to get some sleep . He needs to rest his mind . Tomorrow will be our new day , i go to school while he goes to work .
19feb , Today is Friday ! I'm in school here . hahaha , currently listening to Wali Band - Baikbaik Sayang . Yesterday after school went to Dover ; my uncle's house , kana lecture .. both of them uh , my mum and uncle .. say I'm hanging around with some stupid guy , whom doesn't respect people , useless , animal and whatever bullshyt . I didn't want to make things worst , i took out my mp3 and listened to songs and just nod my head , not hearing a thing they said to me . A few advices they gave me , i didn't know which to side .
I was confused and my love for my boyf just like faded for a moment , I kept on telling myself to be patient and everything will go smoothly with my ways of happiness . we're together for almost one year and 2 months on this 25 , six more days , one year two months . I was confused yesterday that I told my boyf to forget about meeting , we were supposed to meet yesterday , at a shop , just awhile .. but it turned out me turning it down . Texted him yesterday ; not to meet . He kept on asking why why why and why . I told him lah , i kana lecture . then he said he wont do things like talk behind my back with his family and is not aftering my money and something like that . *sigh* Then , he told me to tell him what to do , and he'll do , i told him to leave me alone for 7 days . He said okay .
Just now , had assembly at parade square , i fell asleep , i dreamt somehow my boyf had an email , DUH he have , but he doesnt online .___. then back to my dream , he came online and this msn pop up this conversation and my boyf said what , uh .. "why don't we break , since you want me to leave you alone .." after i somehow read that , i striaght away woke up sia .. then i tried get back to sleep because the stupid i-share thing was still on and havent finish , i couldnt get myself to sleep mannn . I miss my boyf ) = well , i gotta try to hang on to it , i miss him so much , I wonder if he's already awake for work now .. now is like 8.29am .. hahaha :D
Having RedCross later after school till 5.30pm ? will be having footdrills and stuff , at about 3 or 4 plus I will be going to get to the dance thingy . wokey , got to go .. updated sooner or later :D
yank coba kau jujur padaku yank foto siapa di dompetmu yank kok kamu diam membisu sayang jawab atau aku pergi sayangaku tak mau bicara sebelum kau cerita semua apa maumu, siapa dirinya tak betah bila ada yang lain jangan hubungi ku lagi ini bisa jadi yang terakhir aku ngerti kamu, kau tak ngerti aku sekarang atau tak selamanya ..
Saturday, February 13, 2010 3:13 AM
silver shiny shots baby, they're all around me .
Greetings my fellow readers ! (: I miss blogging mann . I didn't really had the time to post , sorry ! By the way , Happy Chinese New Year & Valentines Day to you people aites (: you're reading my post , see ! don't forget to leave me a taggg . I know you know , public dont know (: Today , i mean yesterday .. very the effing nice and fun (= we got this multi-ethnic cultural competition , thenthenthen , my class got this mini lion dance , thenthenthen , i kept on screamning andandand shouting liker mad woo-man . hahahha !
Still , nowadays i've gotten the habit of going home right after school .. School is great (: got myself more rajin abit to study . DIETING myself on coke . seriously mann .. damn imma sexy bytch (; I miss my dearest bestfriends ! Razia and Rhonda ! miss korg lurh seyh . hahaha :D yellow pink white red green black blue violet purple maroon orange brown gray LOL . colours mann (:
*sigh* i've been really busy mannn . Yesterday , after school ; took 196 to Bukit Merah but I didnt drop at my stop because , eheh :B i was asleep , and i didnt know till when i've woken up , i was at cantonment mannnnn :D Minnie loves Mickey so much (: i've updated mannn . i'll post again , sooner or later . Put your pants on tha ground , lookin' liker fool , put your pants on the ground !