Let's just make this simple.
I'm having a relationship with Aliff Bin Raffi Faizal Bin Omar
'She didn't just kissed, she claimed ownership. Took his mouth with urgency,
as if her life depended on her kissing him.' You know how is it when you love
someone? And the hard part, the bad part, the Jerry Springer Show part is
that you never stop loving someone. There’s always a piece of them in your heart.
Were you so afraid of losing something you love, that you refuse to love anything?
Sometimes I'd be glad if only you'd fought for me.
She fell, she hurt, she felt. She lived. And for all the tumble of her experiences,
she still had hope. Maybe this next time would do the trick. Or maybe not. But
unless you stepped into the game, you would never know. When we were children,
we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable.
But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable. My HomepageTaggedTumblrTwitter
Know that the pain will pass and when it passes ,
you will become stronger , happier , more sensitive and aware .
Yup. I've decided to get on a new post! :) Today is Saturday and I'm very excited and looking forward to this bloody day! Meeting Razia! Omg! + I'll be going out with Aliff too. So happy. I haven't seen Razia for like, close to 3 years. Totally miss her. During the primary school years, Razia and I wasn't even close until we were in Primary 6. GOSH! We were totally best friends ♥ Miss those old times :)
Monday - Went to school and had National Day Celebration. Awesome day! No lessons.
Tuesday - Public Holiday. Stayed @home with my family. Spend half of the day sleeping.
Wednesday - School holiday. Baby ♥ came over to my crib! :) then I send him home.
Thursday - I sleep at 5am and was lazy to attend school..
Friday - Woke up at 6.30am(surely late for school), so I didn't go to school. Went back to sleep and woke up at 11+, went to school at 3+ to finish up my DNT Coursework. I finished about 5? Met up with babylove at Clementi at 6pm. HE WAS HOT! because he had his new haircut. Couldn't stop starring throughout the time I was with him. Hahaha! It was like I don't even know him in the first place. :D When I was walking to the bustop after sending babylove home, I saw the full moon at 7.10pm in the open sky. Hahaha, the moment I saw the moon, I immediately took my phone out to text Brian about the moon being full for him. I think again, and typed the message out in the text box, I think again, I deleted the whole text and locked my phone. Took it out again and texted babylove about the moon being full for him, but I don't think he even saw the full moon cos, he went to sleep and didn't even talked about it. :\ It's ok, right?
When Syafiqah's gone abroad, I felt like I've got no one else whom I could count on, to share my feelings with, and that the only person I'm next person who is closest and able to share out feelings with is Aliff, my own boyfriend. But the problem is when the main problem to me is him, I can't possibly let it out to him himself! That's just retarded.
I'm still upset about that part which he talked to that girl! OMG. She wasn't fine and he offered her to call him and talk? DUDE, I've got so many guy friends, but I don't talk to them on the phone. How come you comfort her and talked about her problems on the phone? GOD. The moment I knew about that on Thursday, I was like, GAAAAAAH! I posted on my fb 'DAMN ANGRY, FELT LIKE BANGING MY HEAD ON THE EDGE OF THE DOOR. _|_' I was so angry. Gladly, Syafiqah called me. We talked about An too. She was being upset with him. I told her nowadays guys are very *--------* So we talked about our problems on the phone and we had a great laugh together :) It's like the only person I can count on and someone who really understands me is Syafiqah. And yet, Aliff wanted me to tell him why I cried on that Thursday night. I don't want him to think I being too sensitive or he might just say about me talking to guys. I mean, c'mon! they're just friends, to the most we only chatted through the internet. It's not like I gave them my number out and told them to call me right? :( hmm.. It's like, each time I wanted to trust him fully, there goes my worries. I miss how I don't need to worry/think so much when I was with Brian. oh my god what the hell is wrong with me? Alright. I'm gonna check on some games now. ;) toodles.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011 2:03 AM
I just don't know why I still can't get over him. I'm not using anyone to forget any shit from my life ok. I always thought of him, always miss him, always regretting that shit that already happened. I don't really know why we actually broke off. People can be spreading rumors about me to other people about this, go ahead. Thanks for letting them know what I'm going through. I always thought about how we weren't even together and yet still so close. All those built up rainbow from my heart to yours. Karma can take anything it wants, but it can never take away our yesterday. I'm always yearning and whining about you to my boyfriend and my friends.. It's different okay, people can say 'it's okay.. it'll go off sooner than you thought.. cheer up :)' or whatever you think they could say to cheer me up. But, I just wanted someone to know how happy I was when I was with you. I didn't wanna stay during the red cross camp but, I wanted to be there for you when you were asleep.. When you were going off in the morning, I was pretending to sleep, holding back my tears. I wasn't prepared for any of that shit to happened. I thought we would last longer than that. Every silly thing you do brings laughter to my smile. You changed my life from there, you made me think as if I was able to strive for anything. From all those little quarrels we had, I thought that made our love stronger.. I really miss you, just like how I texted you. But it's okay if you ignored.. It was supposed to be that way.. If I hadn't given you the book, I would've read every page over and over again, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I haven't been eating well lately, it's like the pain of hunger wasn't the worst pain already. But the pain and bitterness of my heart is. Don't worry, I'm not using anyone as a substitute to move on or forget some human. Seeing you, I felt as if I could live forever, little free thinker. Pain from which I have this confusion of telling people or not. I don't want to go around hurting peoples' feelings just like that, right? Ever since Sya's gone, it's like the only person I could count on is Aliff, my boyfriend. Wouldn't it be awkward and weird and wronnnnggg for me to say out my feelings about hhiimm to him? ( O.o) Yes, it will be awkward. Every time I tried to tell Aliff about how I feel, I would always be thinking more than thrice and thinking that I've wasted my time thinking that he should know how I feel. It's not that I don't love Aliff. Maybe I haven't really been able to adapt to this new 'environment'. I know I shouldn't be thinking about hhiimm. But I'll always ended up dreaming of him, and when I woke up, it ended. I really don't know what to do with myself, thinking about this, thinking about that, thinking about things that I shouldn't even think of in the first place because it doesn't benefit me in any way. Remember when you were working and I would come over to have lunch with you and then I would get back home? Remember when I would just come to school no matter if I was sick or school has ended and I would still get down to school just to see you and go home together with you? We spend most of the time together. I miss those piggybacks or maybe I was the one who would be carrying you sometimes, hahaha.. Seriously, I really want to clear my mind up. I never regretted rejecting you then accepted you when you asked me to be yours that night after red cross, at Jacqueline's house bustop. I should be thankful to you for those beautiful memories that we've made together :') I will keep and treasure it. As I slowly learn to let you go, I hope my bridge that is being built with Aliff is as beautiful as what we had.
So... we've been for 2 months and 11 days now. Things are fine and normal. I know he isn't really much of what I've wished for, but he's the kindest boyfriend I've ever had. He's my bestfriend, my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, my babydwagon. :) Sometimes being with him reminds me more of those other malay people. Have I told you how I got to know him? My original plan was that, I am supposed to trap him in some kind of stmf stuff. I ended up meeting him and live my next part of life with him. :D Although I may worry quite alot about him, of well you know, looking for people who are better than me. If I were to say that to him, he would go 'no.... why would I do that, i already have you.. I feel lucky to have you...' and all of those stuff. Not that I don't like the way he said it. It just doesn't really convince me. Like as if my mind told me to take an extra precaution to whatever he is going to do. But it's okay, I trust that he won't be doing stupid things. My fingers want to type more, but my eyes are getting worse, it's reddish and my eyesight is getting much more blurrier. I want to get some shut eye for now.. I'll continue when I think I am having more than enough time to actually update about. :) Goodmorning dearest Earthlings. :)
p/s: HAPPY NATIONAL DAY! <3
What's up? I know it has been a long time, it has always been a long time.. Yesterday had National Day celebration in school :) very exciting and beautiful. I had a last minute meet-up plan with Alin and Ellysha. Went home and cleaned the house, downloaded some songs, get ready and met up with Alin at Ang Mo Kio MRT. Took the circle line from Bishan to Paya Lebar. Met up with Tysha, Ellysha, Nicholas, John and Kai Mun. We walked to the hawker centre and found a seat and settled down. We waited with an empty stomach for the right time to order the food. Break fast, and however my food had this tragic taste of 'eww'.. Tysha's mum paid for all of us, suddenly. Everyone was like (O_O) kind of thing.. So yeah, we thanked her because we can't do anything else to repay her right? :> it's okay.. May God sense her kindness. Walked around the bazaar and bought some yummy food. Then we walked to Paya Lebar MRT and slacked behind the MRT. Camwhored for a while and chit-chat and then we went home. :) It was a nice night :)