I'm higher than a motherfucker.
Starships
Mariana☮
Let's just make this simple.
I'm having a relationship with 'She didn't just kissed, she claimed ownership. Took his mouth with urgency, as if her life depended on her kissing him.' You know how is it when you love someone? And the hard part, the bad part, the Jerry Springer Show part is that you never stop loving someone. There’s always a piece of them in your heart. Were you so afraid of losing something you love, that you refuse to love anything? Sometimes I'd be glad if only you'd fought for me.
She fell, she hurt, she felt. She lived. And for all the tumble of her experiences, she still had hope. Maybe this next time would do the trick. Or maybe not. But unless you stepped into the game, you would never know. When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.
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Know that the pain will pass and when it passes ,
you will become stronger , happier , more sensitive and aware .
-Mariana
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Friday, July 27, 2012 4:01 PM
Pink Fling
Pinkbitch.
I'm addicted to pink now. Pink is awesome! I've been having different colour favourites, I wonder why? Now I'm into pink :) I'm guessing it is because my baby is a girl. Haha.Sunday, July 22, 2012 6:30 AM
Better days..
"Before you judge me, make sure you're perfect."Recently, I felt as if I've gotten hold of my miracle. Back to happy-go-lucky ;) Is it because it's the fasting month? or has he changed for the better? or is he just trying to be-nice but bad-ass behind my back? I don't know and I don't really care because I've much more important things to think about than about being stabbed by the back. I've been laughing a lot and I could end up with tears.
Last Friday, I met up with Razia and Hadirah, (awesome..... oh, we forgotten to snap some photos!) We had lunch at Banquet, Hadirah borrowed me some money cos I didn't had cash with me at that time. Then we walked around Jurong Point, and Razia was obsessed with poking my tummy as well as finding decorations for her room.
Days passed and my love for him grows deeper, forgetting every single bad moments that I used to kill for. Or am I just asleep? In a coma and not waking up, maybe all these are just one of my imagination. Is it? I guess I just got my swag on. Whatever. Going to Plaza Singapura with baby later ;)
Labels: perfect smile tears love swag on miracle girl boy friends girls out happy
Thursday, July 12, 2012 3:34 PM
It's either ending or just a start
You will never know how it feels like to finally realise when you've taken the wrong road. You will never feel how terrible I feel every ticking day, how you can fantasies the difference if you hadn't taken that path. Nobody will understand my situation, not even the one closest to me. If I could call karma to do her job, you wouldn't live a day getting ideas of suicide if you'd been in my shoes. I used to have plans, meaningful, beautiful, logical and workable sets of plans and goals which I should work for by taking baby steps at a time.
It's all different now.
And common people would just blame me and say, "You deserved it." Do I? I still wanna wear those brands all over me and not Bugis all-time. I still wanna Tumblr and Tweet all night, but it's all gonna change to baby cries all morning. I still wanna continue my skills at ITE and take small steps upgrading myself, but who is going to look after my baby girl?
Practically, my life is over. It's not gonna be all about me now, it's gonna be her, her and all her.
My another major worry is him. My future to be husband. The questions are: How is he going to cope financially for our baby, home, us, daily needs. $50 a day won't get us anywhere. and also his anger management and behaviour. Nothing is lightening my shoulders. It's all falling hard on me.
I'm not sure if I should just keep holding on or let go. It's stupid to hold on to something that just keep hurting me. But it's also stupid to let go of something that I've always love.